Isn't it the worst? and do doctors make it take so long to build suspense. I don't know. We have to wait 3 weeks to get some blood test results. I'm praying the tests come out as we want them to. & if they don't, they don't. There is nothing we can do and I have to learn to accept that. There's always adoption. but who is going to give their child to a 21 year old to mother. Sperm donor isn't really an option for me, my husband isn't comfortable with the idea.
So I am really really hoping these results come out saying it isn't genetics. But I don't think that is going to be the case.
Even though I love my husband, I can't help but think what if we split up and I find another. Terrible terrible thoughts because I know this isn't his fault. I need to stop being selfish. Imagine how he feels knowing that he can't have children and it's all him. I keep reminding him that it isn't his fault and we have plenty of time to come up with solutions. But in my mind I can't help but think is this it for me. I have always wanted to get pregnant and feel a being growing inside of me. I want to mother my own children and with that being a possible No makes me feel and think all sorts of thoughts.
'This is all happening for a reason' but what reason is there?
Just bits and bobs that I am keeping for my future self, & Possibly anyone else reading out there :) Thank you for dropping by.
No comments:
Post a Comment